Parenting & Leading the Elite Performer
You want your kid to stand out — positively, authentically — not fit in, just to fit in.
You are afraid your Elite Performer’s perfectionism could lead to negative outcomes. (You’re right. And they can also pivot into a better system before it catches up with them.)
You are a great parent. But you’re having a harder time getting through to your high-achiever offspring as they are going through their Rites of Passage to young adulthood — a critical time for quality influence in their lives.
Your child has some great coaches, teachers, mentors… but needs something more to crack the code and unlock their own greatness.
Sound familiar? You are in the right place.
Rites of Passage: Case Study
Who’s the one kid on the team who refuses to listen to “Coach” Joe Sakic?
Joe and Chase Sakic. Photo Cred.: The Denver Post
About a decade ago, I got to coach a PeeWee hockey team with Joe Sakic.
For those uninitiated to the world of hockey, he was probably the best player in the world from the late-90s to early/mid-00s.
His list of accomplishments, both as an individual and teammate, stands up with the greatest of all time: 2 Stanley Cups as a player (1 as GM), league and playoff MVP, an Olympic Gold Medal, and over 1,600 points in 1,378 career NHL games — ninth most points in history.
So it would follow that any kid lucky enough to be on the ice with him for a practice would listen to every syllable to fall from his Hall-of-Fame lips. Right?
As you may have guessed, there was just one player who preferred to do it his own way, instead of listening to the living legend.
And that was of course Joe Sakic’s son, Chase. Also a gifted goal scorer.
“He won’t listen to his old man,” I recall Joe saying with a chuckle.
He wanted to figure it out for himself — or at least, without help from his dad.
Ironically, Chase was more likely to listen to any of the other coaches on the staff, though our NHL goal total was a collective 0.
Though anecdotal, in my experience this example tends to be the rule (though there are exceptions) when dealing with high performing Tweens and Teens, particularly the boys.
I believe this to be a part of a wider pattern of human development in which coming-of-age youth go through Rites of Passage rituals.
The lesson is, get good people around you to influence and guide your child, because there is an unwritten rule for most that they just can’t listen to their parents — they need to figure it out on their own.
